Im back!!

Wow! It has been almost 2 years i didnt update my blog..muahahaha..just stopped at the sad story of going to korea for work purpose..well..that one..i shall continue later..need to draft a lot of posts since a lot has been going within these years..

Well..life was not so good..i was so down most of the time..i guess its my rock-bottom phase..no..i have not fully recovered just yet..n am trying to stand up again..lift my head and move forward..so i decided to write..really hope this will end very soon..may allah ease my journey..

Ok..anyway,welcome back to myself..hehehehehe..

Business trip to korea -day 1

My co had secured a contract with a korean company to do their process and I was asked to go there for technology transfer..at first, I was very delighted..yeap I have been dreaming to have a business trip at overseas..

But that was my feeling at the first day..as the time passed..I knew I was actually not really happy to go to korea since I couldnt bring my husband along..

My flight was at 1am and I arrived in korea at 8.20am local time..our agent picked us (there were 3 of us and plus 1 wife of one of us *jealous*) up at the airport and brought us sightseeing at seoul for a while..he wanted to bring us to namdaemun but we decided just to have a lunch and went straight to the hotel right after that..

We had bibimbap at a korean restaurant..I thought the taste was outstanding as I was always craved for that every time I watched korean drama that has eating scene..however, it tasted just like typical rice mixed with other food or side dish or in malay we called it as lauk..the only thing was that it can make you full for only just one cup due to high starch rice they used..alhamdulillah I managed to finish it even though it did not really suit my tastebud..

We reached our hotel at around 3.30pm local time..and right now I am in my room feeling lonely..

I just realized that..I have always needed my husband to be by my side or at least my family..or else I would feel really and sad..and that..increases my tendency to cry.. T_T I told him that I missed him so much..I cried..I was expecting that he would pity me..but instead he was angry and he told me that I need to focus on my work and do my best..I was so shocked but I knew thats the best for me..that is something that I should be doing instead of feeling down and let the feeling overwhelmed me..

Alhamdulillah allah granted me someone who could always reminded me of things that I should do..typically the right and relevant things to do..

And I also learned that any place that I may think as better than my country can never be better at my eyes without my family around.. *sad*

*theres no other better place to stay without a family around*

Moving on..

I used to be called as 'pengatur org-suke mengatur org' or in other words..'bossy'..im not sure..I might be one years back..but since I was called that..I tried my best to change myself as I thought I shouldnt hv behaved that way..

To make it clear..I was called that because I used to seek help from other people to get my job done quickly..but I believe I did the same to those people as well..maybe I was not..or my effort was not enough..

So..I changed myself..I tried my very best not to ask help from anyone..this also happened at my workplace..I did my work on my own most of the time so I wont burden other people and I hate it when people called me that way..

Since then, I believe I managed to change myself a bit..I prevent myself to ask for other people's help..but yet..I was called that again when I asked someone to get me something when that someone was about to go to the place where that something was placed in..I was a bit shock and that really hurted me inside..I thought it has been sometime I didnt act that way..but maybe I did..I dont know..

Sometimes I felt that they always like to see the bad side of me..they did not try to look at how the people whom I have asked for help treated me too..they did not treated me that well every time..but still why am I always been spotted on? Why am I always be the bad person?

I used to stay and please them so that they will look at me in a positive way..but as what has happened today..I thought to myself maybe I should stop..and move on..stop pleasing people and moving on with my own life..

*never argue..just move on..defending yourself will not bring you anywhere cause when you are already bad in other people's eyes..you will always be that bad person..stop wasting your time on that*

When a lot of things changed..

I used to speak up my mind..and I figured out most of my girl friends pretended to like me and befriended me but they talk bad about me behind my back..I just found out about it from the boy friends..

So later I slowed down and as time passed by, I have stopped speaking up my mind..most of the things I did in a group conversation were to agree with one of them so I would not be the one whose different from the others..this happened even though I was not in the same agreement with them..I used to have different persepective..

However I realized I was not happy and I slowly tried to speak up my mind..so the existence of this blog..

Now..I have some courages to speak up..and I have followed one group conversation that was participated by my good friends..and I was disagreed with the whole idea they were bringing up and it also involved my religion of which they did not realize a bit about it..I waited and waited if anybody in the has different idea..but there was none!!at first I decided to just let go and move on..but it kept hunting me because I didnt correct my friends even though I knew at least 50% of confidence that they might be wrong bout it..I might not be right either..but the chances were 50-50..

Then I talked about it to my husband and he insisted me to at least speak something..cuz thats the smallest thing I can do..as according to him..so I did..

Later I realized they did not response to my view..none of them did..and I assumed they might have created another group and excluding myself in the group..

Was my doing wrong? I dont know..hopefully it was my bad feeling only..husband adviced me to always thought good of people..and never make bad assumptions on them unless they confessed it to be true..

Huhu

*things change when people changed*

Ramyun..

It's been a while..been busy with work and a little lazy to update anything..the pictures are there..but the mood is nowhere to be found..huhu..

I have a husband who doesnt eat japanese food..it's like a huge NO to him..but one day..

'Awk..sy terasa nk makan ramen la..' and gulp..what?? Did I hear it wrongly? No..I did not..hows that can happen? Hihihi..

Because of this..............

How did he know bout this?

Ok..one day, I was really2 feel like eating ramen..but the closest I can find thats halal is in shah alam..resulted from my googling work..hehehe..one day I'll eat ramen at oshima restaurant..so..I searched and keep on searching until I found a blog talking bout this instant ramen..

I quickly went to the store and bought one for me as a trial..while eating, I offered to him to give it a try and I was quite impressed that he liked it..heheheehe..

Today, we went to the store to buy some groceries and we got us 6 of them as there were some discounted price for buying more..wooohooooo!!!

And thats how he ended up asking for ramen tonight..hehehe

*people always change*

Gembira atau sedih?

Hari2 yang sibuk sejak lebih sebulan yang lepas membuatkan aku terpaksa menangguhkan pengajian untuk sementara waktu.

Selepas berkahwin, hidup lebih banyak teruji dan diduga dengan pelbagai masalah buat aku rasa cemburu melihat orang2 sekeliling ketawa riang tapi aku tak mampu ketawa dari hati disebabkan otak yang tidak henti berfikir tentang masalah dan kerja2 yang tertangguh.

Kadang2 terdetik, alangkah bagusnya jika pengajianku telah tamat. Maka aku mampu untuk lebih fokus pada bebanan kerja yang semakin bertambah setiap hari. Aku risau kemungkinan2 yang aku akan terlepas pandang perkara2 penting dan menyebabkan masalah di masa akan datang.

Hati selalu berbisik 'ya allah..beratnya hidup ini..teringin sekali untuk melupakan bebanan kerja dan bergembira sahaja..'

Aku mungkin seorang yang pelik kerana ada sekelumit rasa gembira dalam hati bila aku terpaksa menghadapi semua ini. Mungkin kerana aku rasakan ini sebagai cabaran untuk aku lepasi dalam membentuk diri yang lebih baik untuk masa akan datang.

Entahlah..hati aku berbolak balik antara rasa gembira dan rasa sedih..

Doa aku, moga allah mudahkan semua jalan aku sekeluarga juga berkati rezeki yang kami peroleh.

Ameen.

*bintang, bintang, berapakah jarakmu untuk aku gapai?*

slow progress

what's with slow progress??

i feel that my head is going to blow when dealing with laid back people..

I have always tried to avoid dealing with this kind of people because they somehow dont have the sense of urgency..

all they do is relaxing and eating and sleeping and more relaxing..no productivity!

oh pleaseeeee!! dont you feel sorry to waste even only 1 second? specially when you have something to do????

i like progress! and i need progress!!

arghhhh!! why do i have to deal with themmmm???? why?? why???

im no perfect person too..i can still tolerate/compromise with a lot of things but i really cant handle it when small simple tasks which can be done in 1 day..but they were not completed even after 3 days!!

i hate it so much!! like seriously!! whats on your mind??? dont u have goals??


Dear Allah,

Please grant me more patience and please open their heart to take life more seriously..please and please and please..i beg you.. T_T



*S.T.R.E.S.S*